I’ve just got back from an extreme exercise class I’m too embarrassed to name, but it’s sprinting intervals mixed with heavy weights. I guess I feel embarrassed because the classes are so expensive. I purchased a 10 class pack mid-breakdown in December, thinking that by the time I’ve completed 10 classes my personality and ass would be magically transformed. I’m on class 8 now and my ass and personality are the pretty much the same – flattish, negative. The music blares so loud I’m sure my hearing has deteriorated, but overall, I must reluctantly admit I feel better and stronger. I’ve not cried on the treadmill since January.
This type of exercise is extremely ungentle and unkind to your body, but I feel so attacked when anyone suggests I do something like yoga.
I run away from stillness; I always have.
Switching off, zoning out, chilling; I am not able to do such things. I look at people who can consume films, series after series, hours of TikToks and I’m jealous that they can be transported elsewhere. For a while, they’re alleviated of themselves. I guess I could train my brain, increase my stamina for suspending my disbelief (a favourite phrase of my boyfriends) but I have more pressing matters to address.
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