a baby list

because I'll forget it all soon

A silly baby list of things that no one has ever asked me for but here we go anyway.

Bouncer.

Once the baby is home, get a baby bouncer (the babybjorn ones are the best). I had one for upstairs and downstairs (when we were indulgent enough to live in place with stairs), and they were used all the time. You can leave your baby at your feet as you sit on the sofa watching Gordon Ramsey Kitchen Nightmares as we did (you don’t have to watch Gordon Ramsey Kitchen nightmares but we found it quite soothing at the time) and bounce them with your tired foot while you take a break from feeding or playing or staring with wonder at your baby (there is so much staring). In the kitchen, they can bounce while you load the dishwasher, or they can bounce in the bathroom while you have that luxurious 2 minute speed-shower.

Baby carrier.

They range in price and aesthetic, but I think (once again) that the Babybjorn ones are the best ergonomically, though not the most fashionable. The Artipoppe ones are worn by all the celebs but to be frank, I think they’re pretty uncomfortable (especially if you have small babies like I did). I think the jersey material slings are brilliant but mainly for the first few weeks when the baby is still so tiny, after that the slings feel more “is the neck meant to be like that?”. My mum had 5 babies, and when I had my first, I remember her telling me to just “wear the baby all the time”. At first I found it cumbersome, but then realised I could do everything like before, but now with a sleeping human strapped to me.

For the first 6-8 months the baby sleeps so much anyway. You can wake them up to feed, and make sure they are having alert time and the famous tummy time – but wearing the baby will see you through the first few months a little more calmy. They cry less because the baby feels attached to you, and you might cry less too.

Mori zip up onesies

I am deeply annoyed that there were not more zip up onesies around when my first was born. Doing up the buttons – in the middle of the night – was infuriating. I think that you can pretty much just get 5 short sleeved, 5 long sleeved and that’s all you need. Socks fall off, they’re pointless. They need one warm thing for the winter, and many hats (because you will lose them regularly). Limiting the clothes, you have for the baby from the beginning is a good idea…. Less choice. Give the baby a uniform, save some time in your lives. They will still look cute!

A bed rail

I did get a side cot or two but whatever baby it was at the time inevitably came into the bed. getting a side-rail thing off amazon was brilliant. You can go back to sleep and be sure the baby will not roll off the bed.

Now I’ll move on to my parental choices and away from purchases….

Combination feed from day 1

I will just preface this by saying I did not do this with all my kids, but I was forced to do it with my first.

When I had him, I was a lot younger and I really believe my boobs were not ‘ready’ to feed, and this might have been because I went into labour ten days early, or because he was tongue tied (allegedly) or because I just didn’t know how to correctly ‘make a biscuit’ with my boob like that one midwife told me to (and me and my boyfriend still joke about to this day).

I desperately wanted to breastfeed because we’re told breast is best. My baby, meanwhile, was not desperate to feed from me. In the hospital, on night one as the baby failed to latch on, an elder midwife was very firm with me and said I needed to give the baby some formula “urgently” or I wouldn’t be allowed to take the baby home. I did what I was told. I didn’t think this would affect breastfeeding, knew nothing about supply and demand. I was given a double pump to try and activate my dormant boobs. I spent the first few weeks chained to this repellent machine, which made an incredibly unsexy mooing sound. Imprisoned by the sofa. But the good thing was the baby took a bottle and was able to be fed by his father, igniting a bond there that might otherwise remain inactive until the baby is quite a lot older and ready to welcome this man with no useable milk ducts into his life.

Looking back, our first baby was a lot easier than my other babies, which might be why I was compelled to have more. I think formula babies are fuller, so cry less and sleep more. I still breastfed, but mainly pumped and gave him a mixture. I felt like I was doing my bit with providing the milk and I also felt free to do other things too. I worked more than I did with any of the other babies straight away (and yes, this might have been because I only had one).

I did not combination feed with my other three. I breastfed my second exclusively until she was 1, because she was an instant, natural feeder. I was single for pretty much the whole first year, so was easily able to breastfeed her at night and whenever I needed to during the day. In a way not being in a relationship made things a lot easier the second time round… I didn’t have to split my focus, worry about how much time I was devoting to my love life. I was able to make my babies my world, and I was selfless to an extent that I’ve not been since.

However (and happily) we got back together and then had a third (pandemic) baby who was a very difficult case in that he was allergic to milk and vomited EVERYTHING up. Once again, I was forced to combination feed, as he was in the neonatal unit at the beginning, and then from ten weeks he was prescribed a special formula. I still tried to breastfeed and pumped and froze my milk – and even though he vomited up everything I fed him – I was still determined to keep going and lasted until he was 10 months old. I would have gone mad if I persisted with breastfeeding exclusively from the beginning.

I am grateful I have had two good breastfeeding journeys, with my 2^nd and 4^th, and I also know how difficult it can be, emotionally and physically, when you have trouble breastfeeding or you have a baby who has other ideas.

It's so important to adapt to your baby. The baby will dictate. Let it be!

Collect on the other side

If you do manage to breastfeed, I would discourage pumping from the beginning as it disrupts the natural supply and demand, but I do massively endorse collecting! There are suction cups (the Elvie one is the best, the Haaka one is the cheapest) and you put them on the other side when you are breastfeeding and you magically collect small amounts each time you feed which amounts to a heap at the end of the day (which you could then use in a bottle so that the other parent can feed it to them at bedtime if you do bedtimes *we didn’t*).

Pumping is addictive and you can get obsessed….. and in my experience, I only ever threw away the milk I froze as it went off or I worried someone* had left the freezer door open. *me

Buggy facing you!

If you can get a buggy which faces towards you, get it. I have a bugaboo donkey, which cost an obscene amount of money BUT has been worth it in every sense…. Bear in mind you are going to be using a buggy for approximately 4 years….

I walk along and see babies wailing, toddlers screaming, and I always wonder if they would be less distressed if they could see their parent. I also walk along and see babies smiling and toddlers laughing, and I feel bad that their parents can’t see the look of awe on their child’s face because they are faced the other way.

Either way, I think it’s good to be able to see what your kid’s face is doing, and it doesn’t mean the child is only looking at you, they can still look out and about and experience things.

Another good reason to have them facing you is for safeguarding…. You are not supposed to feed your baby when they’re in the buggy because of the risk of choking, yet I doubt any parent has been able to refrain from giving their kid a snack en route somewhere.

If you can see them, it’s just safer.

Don’t sleep train!

Yeah, I know, it’s a controversial topic. But now that I’ve had four babies and all of them on average sleep through the night, I think it’s safe to say that I have zero regrets about not sleep training. Oh the hours I’ve spent lying next to a child pretending to be asleep. With each child, it’s taken me about 5 (maybe 6) years before I’m able to leave the room before they are fully asleep. So that’s 6 years of spending about one hour pretending to be asleep every night…. 2190 hours……

Yes, I could have done a lot of work in those hours. My career might have progressed quicker. I could have cleaned or tidied or exercised or had sex or watched that history documentary.

But I have learnt to love that hour. I like my child knowing I am next to them, I like making them feel safe, and I know all too well that it’s not for forever.

I know people who’ve spent hundreds of pounds on fancy sleep training seminars or tutorials. I’ve read about sleep training extensively. I know the benefits (mainly for the parents); I know the possible risks and the idea of ‘residual trauma’.

I also know routine is good! More sleep is good!

Yet I just couldn’t do it, I just could never leave my baby cry, even for a minute. I’m weak!

But it’s worth considering that babies regress all the time and that kids go through phases. Just when you think you’re into a nice routine, they might get sick, or do something as simple as grow, and the routine is obliterated, and you have to start all over. So why bother?

I co-sleep with my kids, and have done so since the beginning, not really because of Earth Mother ethics but because we have very little space and have prioritised sleep over the need for them to have our own bedroom. Co-sleeping is another parental choice (however accidental) that I don’t think I’ll regret when I’m old.

Ocean sounds

I cannot think of a time when we didn’t have ocean sounds blaring all night. It’s a little machine and you can play all types of sounds… birdsong, fireplace, trains, cars, rain… white noise, brown noise… but the sounds of the ocean just work for us. We sleep better, they nap better. THANK YOU, OCEAN.

No Toys

Just don’t bother getting a baby any toys. THEY DO NOT PLAY WITH THEM. Maybe a little mat to do tummy time on? But you could use a blanket. My point is….You really don’t need to get much stuff….. ALL THEY NEED IS YOU at the beginning! As they get older, I’m sure it’s great to have some toys, but my kids don’t play with any of the ones we’ve got – they just wrestle. We have a huge foam mat and a load of foam cushions (think they’re called a ‘mellow mat’ and ‘possum playcouch’ and yes I was sucked in from Instagram) and they are without a doubt the best thing I’ve got for them to play with/on.

Thanks for reading!